


I Miss Yesterday

by Andrea250



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ
Genre: AU, Angst, Drunk confessions, Hurt, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Jung Yunho is trying, M/M, Marriage, Mention of Jung Yunho/Son Hojun, Self-Denial, Shim Changmin is a hot mess, mention of Son Hojun - Freeform, possible cruel fate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-17
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2020-03-06 21:59:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18859945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Andrea250/pseuds/Andrea250
Summary: He sits on the kitchen floor in a puddle of water, vodka and glass surrounds him but he doesn't care. ....He dials Yunho's phone in a drunken haze.





	I Miss Yesterday

 

 

 

**_ Song: The Way It Used To Be- By Mike Posner  _ **

**_ 3rd Person's P.O.V: _ **

Changmin felt the cold night settle into his bones, it has become apart of him since Yunho left. He felt the numbness of another silent night and empty bed, it has been almost a year and his heart still has not left his ex-lover.

The hole that claims him has never been filled, only getting bigger and dangerous, it is the radio silence that is creating cabin fever.

His eyes have lost their gleam and his smile has lost its shine and he can't avoid the empty bed side or the lack of warmth that a home is suppose to possess.

His mind is filled with only thoughts of the man that has left an impression in his lost and lonely world, it has not know sunshine in decades. Changmin is scared of his sunken cheeks and his protruding bones as his life is slowly slipping away into oblivion!

What can he do?

He doesn't even care anymore!

He fucked up everything...

He pushed away the older male, cast him aside as nothing more than a nuisance. He now has to lay in the grave he has made for himself and wonders how things could have been different or how he could have done better.

He lives with the torment and self-loathing in his heart and in his mind.

Now Yunho is getting married to a man he doesn't love and he told the older male to, it was out of anger and a place of hurt... this does not justify anything.

He looks down at the bracelet on his left wrist that he never takes off even after all that has been said and done. The last piece of Yunho, in the bracelet that means the world to him, it will never come off.

He sits on the kitchen floor in a puddle of water, vodka and glass surrounds him but he doesn't care. His white button up and gray slacks crumpled up and stained with the substance, it is bad, he will just call a maid service to come clean up the wreckage he left of their, now only his apartment.

He dials Yunho's phone in a drunken haze.

"Changmin." Yunho delicate and calming voice makes the mans heart thump like war drums.

"I miss yesterday... the way it used to be." He tried to control his composure.

"Min, we started to become a shell of once was, it is a dead dream... you can't turn back the clock." The man on the other end voice filled with anguish and sorrow.

"I miss you tonight and every other night that fades into the next and I hate the moonlight that caress my heart, is cold and condescending." He cries out.

"Min, we can't go back and I am getting married!" The older man tried to keep his emotions in check.

"Yes to Hojun-hyung... Look at you, hyung, you've got the life, the pretty house. Everything you dream of but you must still think about the way it used to be." The depressed man is wistful.

"Changmin there is no use in pondering of what could have been... I can't, it is for the best. In order to love Hojun and this new life with him... I must let us go." He could hear the cracks and hesitation in his ex-lover's voice.

"Is it real?" He holds his breathe in anticipation.

"It can, I will make it real!" He sounds determined.

"He wont love you like I do!" He feels the stab of betrayl in his hollow heart.

"You made your choice Min, remember who pushed who away and I tried to make things better! You let me go first. You didn't love yourself enough or accept yourself... so you took it out on me!" Yunho cries.

"Can we just go back to the way it used to be?" Changmin tears fall silently down his pale features give some life to himself.

"No we can't Changdol, it will never happen and you know that as well as anyone else." He could hear the hurt in the older man's voice.

He can only blame himself for what happened.

"Yun, you will end up in a loveless and empty marriage and I am sorry." He whispers.

"It could be love. I just have to move on Minnie don't you worry about me anymore, it is fine." Yunho lied.

"I love you and I am sorry that I pushed you away! That will be my biggest and gravest regret and I am sorry." He cries harder.

"Minnie, please don't cry for me or for us, it is okay and I will never ever stop loving you! You have my heart... thank you for teaching me about self-love and how to love and be loved." The affection and sadness mixes like a cocktail of emotions.

"I wish you didn't say that hyung. Now I will never find someone cuz my eyes will only look for you, a married man." He tried to hide the jealousy.

"I love you hyung!" He lets it out.

"I know Min." He takes comfort in that sentence alone.

"I must go now, it is almost two in the morning... me and Hojun will be finalizing some things before our wedding day in two weeks." Yunho says cautiously.

"I get it, congrats again!" He does not hide the anger and hate that festers with each word.

"Thank you Changmin." Yunho tried to swallow the words he wanted to say.

The line goes dead and so does Changmin's heart.

_******* _

"Changmin wake up!" The man next to him tries to wake him up.

"You are crying Min." He lightly shakes his right side.

"Minnie!" Yunho screams.

"My love wake up." Yunho feel a rush of anxiety at Changmin's state.

Changmin blinks a couple of times, his eyes adjusting to the dawn that breaks through their hotel room window.

"Yun!" He pulls the older male into his arms.

"Good morning to you too my love." Yunho giggles at the attention so early in the morning.

Changmin breathes grows ragged and worrisome and Yunho could tell by the tears that fall on his bare shoulder .

"I am sorry." It has been Three years ago.

"Why?" Changmin holds on tighter as though he would leave all over again.

"For letting you go all those years ago." He tries to hide the fear in his voice.

"It is okay Min,we are better now and I love you!" Yunho knew what the younger male is referring too.

"We are over that. What happened?" He asked cautiously.

"The night, the first time I called you after a year of our parting." It felt all to real and he doesn't need to relive such things.

The older man pulls apart and pulls the crying man into a reassuring and gentle but firm kiss, it gave the young lover much comfort.

"We are pass that now, got it! Yunho stares deeply into Changmin's brown orbs and he gives the man his award winning smile that he loves too much.

"Remember who I married." Yunho holds up his left hand on his ring finger, the silver band that lays adoringly gleams in the morning rays of sunshine.

"I know Yun but it felt to real to be a dream." Changmin takes his hand and presses gentle kiss to the ring. 

"My love please no more crying, it is in the past and I am with you and we are married and I love only you." Yunho index finger hooks under Changmin's chin, so they are face-to-face.

"I love you too but I could have lost you forever. I was a stupid coward and I don't deserve you Yunho but you accepted me and my broken pieces, it amazes me." He pouts.

"Your appearance at my first wedding and killer confession made a huge impact on me and I couldn't say no." Yunho laughs.

Changmin for the longest time struggled with his sexuality for a long time and even with Yunho, no matter how much he loves the man, it still, at the time was not enough.

He was scared of the gossip and press, he is the CEO of his father's empire and he was expected to marry a woman, it was a hectic roller coasted of emotions. He forced Yunho into Hojun arms and proposal, it was essentially his fault and he blames himself.

"You admitted to my family, Hojun and his family that you are gay and desperately in love with me." Changmin speech was actually heartfelt and raw, it reminded Yunho why he fell in love with the man.

Of course when media let the news out cuz the Hojun and Yunho marriage was big news at the time, it got back to his family. At first his parents were pissed and his sisters were thankfully accepting. 

People question Changmin as not only a leader but a man as well. But he made every one choke on their own words  and proved just cuz he is in love with another man does not make him less, it was a lot to grasp but he either allowed his pride and denial win or lose the man that he loved with every fiber of his being.

He would have been a fool but after a while his father came around and his mother is slowly is but not everyone in his family is accepting of his "life style" but they didn't matter.

"I love Yunho and I had to put all my cards on the table and bare my soul and heart, it is something I will never regret." Changmin pulls them both back down.

"I am sorry if I pressured you Min." He felt guilty.

"Don't be stupid hyung, it was my choice and mine alone and I regret nothing my love." He wraps the older man into his warm and loving embrace.

"Thank you for chasing after me." In the end him and Hojun would have never worked. 

"Thank you for giving me another chance." He kisses Yunho neck.

"Let's sleep some more." Changmin closes his eyes.

"Or we could do something better?" Yunho offers.

Changmin love the sound of that.

"The breakfast buffet." They both say at the same time in glee.

They are on their honeymoon in Seattle and they have two weeks to enjoy their newlywed glow.

"I love you so much Yunho!" He kisses him again and they decided to get dresses as they are still very naked from last nights events.

"I love you more." They both are in bliss of happiness and they don't plan to waste a single moment.

**_ -The End _ **

**Author's Note:**

> A/N:I I hope you all enjoyed this wonderful read. Again, thank you all for the support and love!❤❤❤
> 
> My finals are over... freedom! I will have more time to write and post hopefully. I am so excited for what is too come... well enjoy this update!😊
> 
> Thank you my lovely readers I hope you are healthy and happy. Keep it weird everyone, love you all.
> 
> -AndreaXx


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